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Coping When the Kids Move Back Home

By: Garry Crystal - Updated: 10 Jan 2011 | comments*Discuss
Grown Children Back Home Retirees

Children flying the nest is a natural part of life but during economic tough times a great number are being forced to moved back home. If grown children do move back home some ground rules should be set in place to make for an easier transition.

Middle Aged Children Moving Back With Parents

Almost a third of grown up children in the UK are being forced to move back with their parents. According to a survey by Saga Home Insurance almost 17% of those who moved back in with parents stayed for more than a year. Divorce was the top reason for grown children moving back with parents. Financial difficulties came second in the reasons for grown children returning home. With the cost of living and the economic recession hitting hard in the UK there is no longer any stigma attached to adults who return to live with their parents.

Finding Room for Grown Children

Most parents would not refuse if their grown children did make the request to move back home. But one of the major difficulties could be actual space. For retirees who have kept the family home this may not be a problem but for retirees who have downsized this can be tricky. Most adults will come with a fair number of belongings including household furniture. One solution to this problem could be to place belongings in long term storage until new accommodation has been found.

The Emotional Side of Adult Children Moving Home

There will no doubt be mixed emotions on the part of both the adults and the children. Grown children who move back home can often feel anxiety and a sense of failure at having to move back with parents. The parents can often feel as if they have now stepped back into the role of the responsible parent. It can seem like a certain amount of freedom has been lost for both adults and children. It is important to remember that this is a temporary measure, and one which can strengthen and bring families closer together.

Look On the Positives of Having Children Back Home

Positive thinking is a major benefit to situations such as grown children moving back home. This can be seen as a time to reconnect with children and spend some time together. This may also be a chance for grown children to contribute financially to the running of the house. It is natural for both parents and children to feel some amount of anxiety and nerves during the transitional period. But the fact is that the children are now adults and there will not be the same burden of responsibility on the parents as there was when they were children.

Set Ground Rules When Kids Move Back Home

Ground rules should be laid out from the start. These ground rules will not be the same as the ones laid out when they were children. If children are expected to contribute to household expenses this should be discussed. The length of time the children are expecting to stay should also be taken into account. Asking questions about future plans should also be discussed, and of course the rules on house guests will still be up to the home owners.

Avoid the Temptation to Take on the Parental Role

One way to avoid stressful situations is to avoid once again taking on the parental role. Grown children will not appreciate being given advice as if they were still children. Avoiding the temptation to take on a parental role should help to avoid arguments within the home. Being too lenient is also not a good idea. Their may be the temptation for children who move back home to take advantage of the situation. To some, moving back home can begin to seem like an escape from financial responsibilities, and this should not be allowed to continue if it does occur.

It is a good idea to keep in mind that this will usually only be a temporary measure. So long as respect is given on both sides there should not be too much of a problem. Arguments are a natural occurrence when members of family live together. But there are some positives to children moving back in with their parents, and this situation can make for an enlightening and worthwhile experience.

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